my husband is so nice to everyone but me my husband is so nice to everyone but me

On reading through OP's words the definition 'narcissistic' was running through my mind. be an avid subscriber of such teachings and beliefs, and thats why he acts the way he does. Thats a story for another day. Some mood episodes can cause behavior that is out of character and difficult to tolerate. 2. Fear of being hurt. When there are no real issues in your marriage and your, husband is contemptible towards you, the bottom line is that, A mans behavior is somewhat hinged on his upbringing, his experiences, and the things. Im not in any way implying that his frequent angry episodes are a good thing, plus, no one enjoys being at the receiving end of nasty or mean comments. Conflict resolution. Your partner talks so much about treating you better or doing better by you, but seldom follow through. He was manscaping and getting buff. Signs that "nice guy" is actually a total creeper. If your husband has an ego that feeds off of compliments, this could explain why hes going around complimenting other people. But when my mother accidentally met him, thanks to the same friend I had tried to hook him up with (long story), she instantly claimed to like him. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Husband Compliments Everyone But Me! They see you regularly and they know that youve seen behind the mask, so they cant fool you anymore. It really makes me wonder if she ever loved me in the first place. Studying the vast and complicated world of relationships entices me, and I am constantly striving to learn more, so I can then help others with more knowledge and experience. Then do it for more times and witness and acknowledge his failures in real time. Or it could even be you who hurt him. 6. Whether this religion or way of thinking is new or has been practiced all his life, if he cant see reason, and starts treating you like a lover, friend, and confidant, then maybe its time to hit the road. He will know . It's the right thing to do as they are trying hard to make a living. He Acts Better Than Everyone Else. Receive weekly tips & tricks to improve your love life. Please get in touch with us about any refunds that we need to give out. He wants to improve his behavior but due to a lack of commitment on, his part, it doesnt materialize. to feel among, he does and says things that are unbecoming of him. 2. He may not feel this way towards your children or people in general, maybe its time you start weighing your options and start seeing this as a marriage problem. Maybe you're very clear that your hatred stems from how your partner never picks up after his or herself or never follows through on things . I know this sounds harsh, but it is one of the likely reasons men treat their women poorly. You can blame it on his ego, search for reasons to explain it, and generally try and find a way to explain why he behaves like this. Being able to show not only my passion for writing, but also my passion to help others in their relationships, means the absolute world to me and I hope to continue doing so. Your husband might be in the category of abusers called the victim. In addition to the marked lack of empathy that narcissists display, they have a really hard time accepting emotional responsibility in a relationship. So when they are behind closed doors with a pre-conditioned supply, their true selves can come out and play. Perhaps if you tell your GP that you're in an abusive relationship and struggling with anxiety, they might be able to re-refer you or suggest other counselling services. I kept talking to him, pointing him at my friend and trying to get the two of them talking. I am because I see him for who he is and I cannot pretend anymore, and that is a problem. But why is it so easy for them? Why Is My Husband Mean To Me And Nice To Everyone Else? The Pre-Conditioning Factor (Brainwashing). See video here. They're irritated, so they expect you to make them happy. Hell you might be doing your husband and his future wife a favor by divorcing his ass specifically because he is a jerk. Gaslight is a 1944 mystery movie starring Ingrid Bergman as a newlywed. Another possible reason your husband is mean to you and nice to everyone else is that he is hurt. In fact, it got so bad that when it would come to the holidays or my birthday, Id always tell him I didnt want a physical gift (not that hed get me one anyway! 1. Your partner may have suffered many physical and psychological waves of abuse while growing up and this may have affected how he sees the female folk. when he appears to be comforting you he will often use come up with statements like This shouldnt be the end of life; its one of those things. We've been together 12 years, married for 6. Its not going to change itself and youre not going to be able to reason with him or make him see how it makes you feel if you dont talk to him about it. Your partner may be an avid subscriber of such teachings and beliefs, and thats why he acts the way he does. 2. I did the same thing it felt easier to NOT do what I needed to do, because it made the narcissist less angry with me if I could just do for him instead. See, when you are with a narcissist, they get upset with you for doing anything for yourself. It takes two, people. You don't have to do a course though; there are lots of resources on mindfulness. Vent your frustrations using the sandwich method. Then let it go. 5. If your husband is a water torturer he might be exhibiting these behaviors: Abusers in this category frustrates their partner but pretend like they have not been mean in any way towards their partner on the ground that their actions dont possess an iota of aggression in them. He was going to be so caring and all over you. 24+ Clean Comebacks for Bullies Thatll Make You Smile, Is My Boss a Narcissist Quiz (10 Questions to Help You Find Out! My in laws (his family) don't like me so they are ignoring my birthday. This, unfortunately, led to my becoming a shadow of myself. Your email address will not be published. But for me, he was cruel and plain-old mean. 2. Familiarity Breeds Contempt for Narcissists. 3. He wasnt my type, but he was charming and seemed like a nice guy. He cannot hold a conversion with his wife without creating an atmosphere of avoidable hot arguments from it. He may be expressing this hurt by being mean to you instead of communicating his feeling. Unsubscribe at any time. Our marriage is not as bad as it was a year ago, but it feels like a cold war right now, neither of us really understand the other. Hes hoping that by making you feel left out, youll start paying more attention to him. Make sure your mate is ready for a discussion. And this is the reason that when you inform people about the wicked behaviors of these abusers nobody will believe you, and the effect of this is that it will keep you much longer in the isolation zone, which is the ultimate goal of the abuser. Its a sign that either he has some issues or there are issues in your relationship. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online. It's clear that he just doesn't like listening to me. "Just be nicer and we'll be OK. That's . But he has no sympathy when I try to talk about it and just gets mad and shuts down. How did you deal with it? Is there a reason for this or a bad sign for our marriage? I didnt give it to him, but I agreed to take his. All refunds will start processing in January. Then maybe the both of you can compromise. The Shocking Psychology of, Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching Program: Clear the Slate. The question of the day is: have you ever experienced a narcissist who treated you badly but was kind to strangers? It took a looong time for me to convince him that my experiences were even valid. OP, you've said you'd like to reduce your anxiety and clear your head, but you're worried about the side effects of anti-depressants. 8. It was a little thing, but it allowed you to keep up to date with the important (and, yes, sometimes the not so important) goings on in each other's lives. Answer (1 of 28): In being the devil's advocate, I fear I can see the "positive" side of your issue more than most. Some of this matters a lot in marriages and you need to put in extra effort in maintaining it. That's what therapists have told him and he seems to understand that I just need empathy, not solutions. What is it about their cluster B personalities, or their personality disorders, that allow them to treat people so horribly without even a second thought? #8: They say you need to change. Leave any comments and questions you may have in the dialog box below. Try to be a supportive wife and stand by him through this trying time, while figuring out other medical and psychological means of help. If properly motivated, your spouse could change his stripes and turn a new leaf. This sounds like a red flag to me. The great majority of men who make such claims are physical abusers.. Communication is a vital part of every relationship that must be applied generously. Example: If I'm feeling stressed or low on a day, I may get at my wife in our conversations about the fact that she doesn't drive and doesn't want to drive. Whatever the reason, its something you need to talk about with him and try and find a way to help him feel more comfortable expressing his feelings towards you and complimenting you as much as everyone else! A A. Why does the narcissist show their charming side to strangers, while you are stuck with having to put up with their cruel true colors? Before long, itll begin to deliver data based on his recent communications. We did have a bit of a language barrier with the waiter. Every person that works with her mentions how friendly/polite/helpful she is, and how luck I am to be married to a nurse that can take car. 02/05/2016 16:50. Two possible definitions of the word respect are "a feeling of admiring someone or something that is good, valuable, important, etc.," and "a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way.". Your Partner Gaslights You. So when theyre angry with youthey literally cannot love you. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Lets be honest, it feels good to give and receive compliments, and its one of the easiest ways to make new friends! The Water Torturer. He stops asking about your life. John sits and stares at the floor. He needs to understand where is failing. We hear this all the time from women that contact us asking for help with their relationship. Good guys don't walk around telling you how good they are and just expect you to . If I had not been a good listener and empathetic to my current wife at the start of our relationship it would never have gone well. I am trying my best to dress sexy and turn him on..but nothing seems to work.he just looks at me saying that it's looks nice but that's pretty much it.Everyone in his family wants us to try . It might be that he genuinely doesnt know that complimenting other people and not you makes you feel bad. 11. He doesnt only stop at that; because of this, he regards you as an inept and disrespectful partner. Underneath all the contemptible behavior is a man who just wants the attention of his wife. Either way, this tool can stop the guessing games going on in your head right now. When I try to vent I receive the equivalent of STFU. Everyone loved him when they met him at least until they got to know him. It is plain and simple, really. He wants people to think he is better than they are, and that includes you - especially you. He treats you poorly and says unkind, things to you when you challenge him about it. 12. Before you got married, you paid extra attention to your looks, but all that changed when you get married. Being nice to other people is just one more way that the narcissist manipulates them, and in their own mind, they believe that gives them power over those people. It could just be that it makes him feel good to get attention from other women and it's you he loves, but it's still inappropriate behavior that he shouldn't be doing. They vent their frustrations on their spouses by acting mean towards them. He seems to be someone who people like to confide with. Can your husband change on this topic after enough time, discussion and effort has been exerted? And what happens when you ask him to explain the roles he played to the breaking down of the relationship? Is there any chance you could go back to the NHS counsellor you saw before? My husband is a "nice" man, and everybody loves him, but honestly he is not very nice to me. Pay attention to the intent of his claims of abuses he suffered in the hands of his ex-partner. We respect your privacy. Everything was very good and had nice flavor. Just like most of us can read and comment on other peoples marital problems here but struggle to communicate effectively in our own. 4. When you wrong these set of abusers, they wont show it in the face; instead, they stomach it and wait for the time they feel its convenient for them to revenge. It might be that your husband loves and appreciates you but finds it difficult to express his feelings to you and easy to express his feelings to others. Others are still enamored with their false selves, so it makes it far more exciting to the narcissist to get supply from these people. But why are they then able to be kind to other people? This is quite sad, but true; the way he treats you and yells at you may stem from his background and upbringing. The person I was at 30 was ready for a long term relationship and marriage, the person I was at 22 sounds like your husband, yet I found myself in a relationship that would persist for 9 years and then end. Any criticism towards his family wounds him deeply. With that said, lets now explore some of the other reasons why your husband might be treating you so badly. What You Can Do When Your Husband Doesn't Compliment You. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.