Others have to pay alimony. My boyfriend wants to buy his parents a small home or rent them a more affordable apartment. ENA posted a article in Mental Health, 22 hours ago, ENA posted a article in Relationships, 22 hours ago, ENA posted a article in Relationships, 21 hours ago, ENA posted a article in Personal Growth, 20 hours ago, By It should not be that she should just accept this if it makes her very uncomfortable and resentful. The important thing is to establish what is going to happen when you get married. He gives them 350 every month. The Double-Edged Sword of Social Media: The Impact on Body Image, The Benefits of Being Single: Why Single People are Happy and Healthy, The Benefits of Laughter in Relationships, The Power of Forgiveness: How It Heals and Helps Relationships Grow, Why Your Character Matters More Than You Think. He doesnt see it this way. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. They never help us, even when asked, and always have a Que of favours ready to ask him. If he needs to work two jobs to pay his parents bills while hes still living with them, he certainly cant afford the expenses of a second household. How many times did he make poor financial decisions and did he learn anything from it or not? To avoid financial pitfalls stemming from a spouse's bullying behaviour, it is essential to have the money talk before marriage. I Financially Supported My Ex Throughout Our Relationship & It Destroyed Us. Relationships are all about equality, even when it comes to . Sadly i think there is nothing much you can do here other than set specific dates, as in you intend to move out on date X and he can make his decision then whether he is going to live independently from him mother then and come with you or whether he is going to continue on this same path. Being a motivated human being is far sexier than sitting on a fat stack of cash (although I'm not going to lie, the fat stack of cash doesn't exactly hurt your case). However, my boyfriend will still need to support his family. If you are unhappy in your marriage and you feel alone, used, unappreciated, or unloved, as mentioned above, its either time to sort the situation out with your partner and get back on track with your marriage, or its time to decide to call it quits and say go one way whilst your partner goes the other. You need to verify if this is true, by the way. I am not saying to comfort him. BUT if he refuses to talk about it, deflects, gets angry, talks only in generalities of the "Oh you know, just dumb decisions," but won't give specifics, tells you that it will be addressed AFTER you marry or it's so unromantic to talk about these things or this proves you don't love him then run far away and fast. I would clearly ask what he expects and I would state your concerns, and if things don't change to a livable situation that does not end with a married couple with their own lives and privacy like you want, then end it. AH! That leaves me to contribute the rest, about $3000 for rent, food, and utilities. And if his mother is very dependent, there's a good chance that even if you move out and marry, as soon as you marry he'll move her right into your house and you are in the position of either having to accept it or else divorce him. You guys need to sit down together and work this out peacefully and non-judgmentally. He has stood by my side through the very rough cancer diagnosis and my recovery.Two years ago, when I victoriously beat cancer, we went away for an idyllic beach . Thanks for your advice. pastoralcucumbers Some people have dependent children and they have to pay child support. Published by on 30 junio, 2022 She has two jobs (technically), but one is just helping out a family friend water plants at various business offices (so pay isn't that great or stable) and the second job is a part time retail gig (she gets 20 hours MAX if lucky a week)she will complain she has no money and then give away like 10 hours worth of shifts at her retail job because her "back hurts". Shesays an ability to make a long-term commitment gives insight into his value system. The beauty (yes, beauty) in being knocked down when you're in a relationship is that you have some help getting up. Marrying him would be a gigantic mistake. Also his mom is the type of person that is very timid/shy and will be very nice to your face because she CANNOT stand up for herself or tell people how she really feels (and cannot deal with conflict ) but will go behind your back and tell other people when she has a problem with you. Its important to have alone time, friend time, and hobbies outside of the relationship to allow partners to be excited to come back together and share their stories, says Estes. By extension, your life is on hold as well. Dr. Wendy Walsh's Answer: You've asked two separate questions here. I often see the term "poor financial decisions" in association with people who tend to fall for "get rich quick" schemes and con artists or putting money into things without doing their homework first or living far above their own means. Recently, the ex-wife has fallen on times so hard that she and her children were likely facing eviction- and she asked her ex-husband if he could help her financially. All these comments about how commendable the son is for supporting his parents like this, smh. . New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Sam buys the groceries ($250 a month), while Chris pays for all other necessary expenses ($1,100 a month). The long-standing issue #1, however, is his parents' total reliance on him. It's ok for her to suck all of his money that is supposed to be saved for OUR future, but the second he sees I don't have as much saved as I had planned previously (still have a good amount) he is very mean and yells at me? Men can be victims of abuse as well. I am extremely concerned that buying his parents a house isnt financially feasible for him. When youre getting married, you will most likely commit to being financially tied, meaning you will probably have a joint bank account. I know the first step to making it work (if possible) long-term is to move out from his mom, we need to be on our own..but it's getting to that point that I'm struggling with!! We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Everybody has some kind of situation, and the world is not ideal. Is Your Anxiety Sabotaging YourRelationship? If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Plus, "if you keep offering more support than you receive, you risk . By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. He's supporting his parents financially while living with them and working two jobs. His mindset is and always has been that she comes first and he has not set up boundaries. Thanks for taking the time responding to my question. My bf has made bad financial decisions (according to him) in past and has lost all of his savings and now he is ~ negative $50k. In 69% of married or cohabiting couples, the man earns more than the woman, though this is down from 87% of married couples in 1980. If your spouse is using you for your finances, he will ensure that all of the household finances fall back on you. applestorangesJanuary 30, 2012 in Relationship Advice. Your boyfriend needs to set firm boundaries here. Even if true, I told him I dont mind he doesnt have a house or in debt, one thing I have hard time accepting is giving a min of $2k/mo to them. My financial situation is significantly better than his. He was one of the very smart ppl in his program and got his degree in less than 3years etc. Recently the situation has changed. If the mom truly has financial issues that stem from emotional problems, i could see whre he would say "we will give mom $150 a month for x amount of time" or whatever, but she shouldn't be treated like his wife or child being doled out money. If he was using a small portion of his income for this commitment, i might have been more comfortable. Requested URL: www.thepennyhoarder.com/debt/boyfriend-supports-his-parents/, User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 10.0; Win64; x64) AppleWebKit/537.36 (KHTML, like Gecko) Chrome/103.0.5060.114 Safari/537.36 Edg/103.0.1264.62. I think he should find them a nice but more affordable apartment in a less expensive area, and continue his conversation with them about how they can contribute more, as this has been going on for a few years. It sounds like Adam is trying to please everyone and ends up feeling trapped. To that end you need to have a serious conversation and find out how he lost his savings and exactly what these "poor financial decisions" were and why is he so far in debt. As mentioned, its often difficult to tell if someone is using you financially. Its awful being in a relationship where you feel like youre being used, nevermind a marriage. took some money outta ma savings to help him buy a car. There is no problem in supporting your boyfriend financially. All of these things will impact your relationship in addition to easing the obvious financial burden, she says. Studying the vast and complicated world of relationships entices me, and I am constantly striving to learn more, so I can then help others with more knowledge and experience. I think, I just want a strong future, and I don't see that with his family in the picture. When Its Workable:Its a good sign when your guy can set boundaries and is open to having conversations about your feelings while making you feel like a priority, says Estes. If you two are serious about building a future together, set a deadline for moving in together. It may be time to give him the pink slip. We have alot of arguments regarding boundaries and money. So, if your partner gets annoyed or makes you feel guilty when you spend money on yourself, its really because they wanted to spend that money and enjoy it themselves. Hes been open about how he lost his savings/money. Read this: I Hacked Into A Cam Girls Computer And What I Found Truly Terrified Me, The Teaser Trailer For Daisy Jones & The Six Just DroppedHeres Everything We Know SoFar, The Best Relationship Advice No One Ever ToldYou. It doesnt mean you have to end things if you dont get along with the family in the beginning. Social media platforms are filled with images of perfect bodies and unattainable beauty standards, leading to negative impacts on the self-esteem of individuals. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. The problem here is layered. Once a Parent, Always a Parent: How to Love and Support Your Adult Children. Am I making a mistake? Whether youve found out that your partner has a credit card, multiple credit cards or hes deep into his overdraft in his checking account and suffering from a multitude of money problems caused by lack of self-control, and if hes showing other signs mentioned in this article, he could be using you for financial stability. Example 1: Sam recently lost their job, so they moved in with their friend Chris until they could get back on their feet. We have started talking moving in, marriage, etc, and I feel his financial commitment to his parents is a dealbreaker for me. Theyre the ones that cause that gnawing feeling in your gut and leave you wondering if the situation is workable or if its time to walk. They are from another country that the exchange rate is horrible. You seem to have the experience that they are basically leeching off of him, so what are you guys going to do about it? What does he truly see happening with his parents, with his debt, with finances if these are shared between the two of you in marriage. It begins with talking openly, exploring the options, and developing an effective and efficient plan. Can you please share your experience with me? Started Yesterday at 03:44 PM, By If you have any questions or requests, please contact us at 727-317-5800.
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